Taking care of a friend...one Peony at a time

A friend called me on Thursday night to share some really sad news. I don’t want to post it here because it feels like I could be betraying her trust and I know that once it’s out there in blog world it’s out there. She sobbed down the phone and I listened. I didn’t know how to respond. In this instance I couldn't relate to her experience. There were so many questions I wanted to ask her but I decided not to, I just let her talk and cry and then change the subject when she wanted to.

The next morning I mulled it over. I was working from home and kept thinking about how I could help. I can’t take her grief away, she has to heal and it will take time. I suddenly felt that the only thing I could do was show up. So I walked to the flower shop near my house and they made me a beautiful bouquet with scented stock and peonies. I wanted the flowers to say the stuff that I couldn’t, to say I loved her and wanted her to know that she mattered to me and that my heart grieved for her loss as well. And I showed up. I drove to where she worked, hugged her, handed over the flowers and took her for coffee and we talked.

Then something happened.

Once again I wanted to ask her questions, I wanted to know what her plan was now, what she would do next. How was her husband doing? I could feel the questions coming up inside me and then I stopped, I didn’t ask her anything. In a brief moment before my questions got asked I realised that I was asking them for my benefit, because I wanted to know the answers, in that moment I learnt something really important. When a friend is in trouble and hurting, all you really have to do is show up, listen and leave your stuff at the door. The questions I wanted to ask would not have supported her or comforted her or made her feel less pain or sorrow. I almost missed that lesson. It’s only something small but it’s changed me already. The voice that came up inside me and asked, ‘who am I asking this question for?’ is the same voice that I need to pay more attention to because it’s making me a better person, a better friend.

Damn it...

... Daniel Craig married that woman.

Winter Solstice [Southern Hemisphere]

The Winter Solstice has come and gone here in Melbourne. A fact for which I am terribly grateful. While I do not so much mind the cold weather, it is the lack of light at either end of the day that bothers me.

We left he house at 6.55am this morning and by the time we were on Citylink, some 20 minutes later, the sky had lightened, revealing the wonderful hot air balloons that gently float in the still morning air.

They are magical, sublime and so very, very pretty.

IHot Air Balloons...

2005: The Perils of Shopping

This is an email exchange between Anita and I in late 2005. By this stage I had moved to Manchester, but was still working for the same company where Anita and I met in London 5 years earlier. As I read this it just makes me giggle. Thankfully, some things never change...

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 14:40
To: Claudine
Subject:


I was in Boots when you called I think - no reception on my phone in there. I tried the perfume called Echo - quite nice. The girls at our Benefit counter are unbelievably pushy and I go nowhere near them now!


From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 14:44

To: Anita

Subject:


I had a green-eyed (I'm talking emerald green eye-shadowed monster from hell) get into my personal space at the Red Earth counter today. I said 'no, just looking thanks'. She didn't move from my elbow and asked 'would you like to trying anything?' I repeated 'no thanks, just looking' and eventually she shoved off. Can't bear that!! They either ignore you, look disdainfully at you or attach themselves to your hip!

From: Anita
Sent: 22 November 2005 14:47
To: Claudine
Subject:


I hate they way they follow you around expecting you to steal - I always feel guilty and end up trying to show them I am not a thief, next time they hover I am going to loudly discuss my bad case of shingles.








From: Claudine
Sent: 22 November 2005 14:52
To: Anita
Subject:


I ignore them mostly. If they think I'm thieving that's their problem. I guess so many people do steal they have to be vigilant. Makes you wonder what they must think of you eh?


I was looking at costume jewellery in House of Fraser today and the visual display woman was hovering so I tried on every single ring in the tray with my plastic bag hanging from same hand I was putting rings on. She almost frothed at the mouth!

Thomas Sabo Ring

Thomas Sabo Ring

From: Anita

Sent: 22 November 2005 15:08

To: Claudine

Subject:

I'm going to steal something one day - just to check if they are really paying attention! I might regret it though once I have been arrested, charged and handcuffed.

From: Claudine

Sent: 22 November 2005 15:16

To: Anita

Subject:

I think the regret will kick in when your one phone call is to your mother.

From: Anita

Sent: 22 November 2005 15:32

To: Claudine

Subject:

Oh god yes! I would want to be chatting to everyone and would only get one call!! I just sneaked back to Boots to buy a lippie I saw earlier - shopgirl came and stood RIGHT next to me and tidied the nail polishes. I AM NOT A THIEF!

From: Claudine

Sent: 22 November 2005 15:39

To: Anita

Subject:

We should get little business cards made out that say 'I AM NOT A THIEF' and hand them to shop assistants who encroach on your personal space.

From: Anita

Sent: 22 November 2005 16:00

To: Claudine

Subject:

Mine would say:

'Thanks very much for standing on top of me and assuming I will steal anything I am looking at. Back off shop girl.'

Or is that just nasty ?

From: Claudine

Sent: 22 November 2005 16:09

To: Anita

Subject:

I just had to explain to a colleague why I laughed out loud. Again. He didn't agree that shop assistants hang around him assuming he'd steal. Maybe its just you and I...

From: Anita

Sent: 22 November 2005 16:11

To: Claudine

Subject:

Perhaps it's just focused on the theft of cosmetics ??

From: Claudine

Sent: 22 November 2005 16:12

To: Anita

Subject:

Perhaps.

Perhaps.

Perhaps.

I love that word.

From: Anita

Sent: 22 November 2005 16:19

To: Claudine

Subject:

You can shorten it to Praps or drag it out Puuuuuuurrrrrrrhaps

I need to get out more.

From: Claudine

Sent: 22 November 2005 16:25

To: Anita

Subject:

I need to get out more.

::raises eyebrow and reaches for the anti-psychotics::

From: Anita

Sent: 22 November 2005 16:47

To: Claudine

Subject:

I need to get out more.

::Raises glass and reaches for lippie::

From: Claudine

Sent: 22 November 2005 16:49

To: Anita

Subject:

She needs to get out more

Her friends whisper while watching her smear the wrong shade lippie across her forehead.

From: Anita

Sent: 22 November 2005 16:51

To: Claudine

Subject:

'bet she stole that' they whisper.

From: Claudine

Sent: 22 November 2005 17:00

To: Anita

Subject:

As the muttering ensues around her she reaches into her voluminous handbag and drags out a carton of milk. Carefully opening it she...

[By this stage I figured this was not going to end so I left my turn open ended. Anita's response...]

From: Anita

Sent: 22 November 2005 17:16

To: Claudine

Subject:

…proceeded to launch her mini missile carefully

disguised as a pint of Rachel's Organic milk, she hit

the little red button on the side of the rocket and

counted down the seconds until lift off...

How to eat a Banana loaf cake in two days.

Okey Dokey Miz Claudine. I’m starting a ‘How To’ section on BotW. My first edition deals with banana cake – the making and eating of.

Level of difficulty – pretty damn easy (the eating bit) .

Step 1. Start on a Sunday night, preferably at around 7pm when you are writhing around in pain on the floor at the idea of returning to work on Monday. You need a baking distraction.

Step 2. Find two rotting bananas in the cupboard (they don’t have to be rotting. Or in the cupboard)

Step 3. Search for a recipe (this one is dreamy Banana Bread with Chocolate Choc Chips & Candied Ginger)

Step 4. Begin to cream, mix, sift, chop and mash. Sing something if you want to. Bananarama is a good choice.

Step 5. Cook for an hour. At around about the time you should be going to bed the house will start to smell of cake baking. Mmmmmmm caaaaaaayke.

Step 6. Remove from oven, remove from tin. Eat a large warm slice. Just to check it’s cooked. Debate eating more but resign yourself to knowing that you are too old to eat cake at 10pm and think it's ok.

Step 7. Head off to bed feeling smug. ‘Ha! All you saddo people in the office tomorrow morning, you have no idea how amazing I actually am. I blow smoke in your general direction.’ (This bit may only happen to me, in my crazy banana bread head).

Step 8. Have a long cr@ppy day. This part is not optional by the way.

Step 9. Rush towards the cake. Make tea. Slice cake. Eat cake. Slice another piece (it’s ok, there are no calories in home made cake). Eat the second slice. Slices should be an inch thick. Eat half a third slice. Ok, who am I kidding, eat all of slice number three.

Step 10. Day two, repeat steps 8 & 9. Now, I did this after having a long chat with God out in my garden about the way things are going down here for me and that it’s not funny anymore and that I am due a lottery win/date with George/a knighthood. I’m sure I got a sign to eat cake. At this point I should say that it’s not compulsory to chat to your Maker before eating the cake. It’s always important though to be grateful for the cake and other stuff that you have.

And that girlfriend, is how to consume an entire banana cake in 2 days.

Over and out.

(with thanks to Molly Wizenberg for a knock out recipe)